We are here!
It has been an insane trip across the country, an exciting fire few days, and an overwhelming journey to get here. But we are here.
Trying to figure out exactly where here is has been the most challenging part of the transition.
Looking at the map on our old wall in our old room showed a location, but never gave even a glimpse into the lifestyle, the culture, or the history of here.
Everything here is different than at home. Literally.
You name it, and I will tell you how it is different.
I miss home. A lot.
Everyone says different doesnt mean worse.
I naturally see things in black and white, and here is definitely not better, so I instinctively see all the different as worse.
But different does NOT mean worse, or better, it just means different.
I am fighting to think outside of my black and white box.
The old church we are working for is so great, with so much history, so much love, so much passion.
Yesterday the pastor, Fitz, showed me around telling me the story of how our offices used to be where all the pastors lived together, part of their compensation from the congregation was to cover their cost of living, so they lived in this house right next to the sanctuary. Walking through the house there is a closet that was the "butlers closet" which were the black servants of the white pastors who lived there. Through the kitchen is a door that leads to an outside porch where you can find an old bathroom, the bathroom where the blacks did their business, because they couldn't share with the whites.
I cried after Fitz showed me around. My heart breaks for the parts of the culture here that are still very much affected by the past of slavery in the south.
Ironic that I am fighting to see all the differences here as equal.
Ironic that I am hopeful to be challenged out of my black and white thought process.
We work in South Tampa. South Tampa is mostly white. South Tampa is mostly rich.
We have only barely seen North Tampa. North Tampa is mostly black. North Tampa is mostly poor.
I look forward to hearing stories of the history of this place, and how it has changed over the years.
I look forward to partnering with my husband to love on kids here regardless of color or class.
I look forward to watching as God continues to unite His children here.
Praying that Here is Where He makes His move in this generation.
Hoping to be used to play a part in the movement.
Crying as He continues to share His heart for these youth with me.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
He wants ME
To think back to the way that God revealed His plans for us to go to Florida makes my face leak. (Thats how my girls at work say they are crying, it sounds tougher)
16 months ago Kyle left his job at Neighborhood church, for political reasons there, but mostly personal reasons between the two of us. He left to come work with me at TeenRescue, the boys absolutely love him.
The job description didnt satisfy Kyles call to ministry. Often times I heard him saying that he wished for something more. I however, love my girls up there too much to care what the job description entailed, so I continuously chose to brush off his comments. I kept telling him it would get better.
In July Kyle completed one year of working at TeenRescue, and that is when he made it very clear that he wanted to start looking for other jobs, it still hadnt gotten better.
This really upset me. I thought he was being selfish.
Took me some time, but in August I humbled myself and actually listened to my husbands heart, convicted by the fact that I often dont listen to him with the same sympathetic and discerning heart as I do others.
When I did, I realized the pain he had from feeling un-purposed.
Many times we have spent praying for God's direction and guidance, knowing that He has plans for us, but at a loss of what they were.
So, again, we committed to intentional prayer each morning together, and each fasting for a week- but this time our cry out was for unity, not direction. We were over the idea of knowing where we were going, we wanted more than anything to want the same thing, whatever that might be.
During that week the Lord shared a promise with me several times, "I will bring them to you" He kept saying.
I didnt know what that meant, but I knew it was a very different concept from what I had always wanted to hear, "I will send you."
(Through this whole heart transforming experience, I have learned that part of my desire to be sent was because I was convinced of my inadequacies. I believed God couldnt really use me here in America, but not many are willing to go, so if I went, then I would be useful. I was wrong. I know that now. Even though it is still hard to say out loud. I know that I am worthy to be used and loved, worthy only because I know that I am unworthy and that it is Christ in me who does Kingdom work. I really have nothing to do with it.)
Most mornings I wake up and choose a place on the big map we have up in our room, whatever random place I feel like and pray for it, sometimes cities, countries, continents, even oceans.
The week after our fast I went up to the map, and was drawn to pray for Florida, in that moment I realized that I had yet to choose someplace in America! I mean, I pray for places in the states all the time, but in that specific routine of mine, I had NEVER chosen a state or city, or the country of my own. Can you say CONVICTED? (I am a selfish jerk sometimes)
My heart for people in third world countries is different than for us in America, and while I knew that was wrong, that is how my heart had been geared for so long I didnt even realize it anymore. Not that I have less passion to love on broken American people, but it is a different kind of passion.
A child that knows Him is a child that knows Him, their location, struggles, fears, past, is unimportant in contrast to their salvation. DUH
So, as I am praying for Florida, I just can not stop thinking about it, usually I spend about 5-10 minutes praying for the place then move on with the rest of my routine, but this time, Florida would not get out of my head. Texted a few people I know there to check in, thinking the Spirit might be leading me to reach out to them but everything was fine. So strange.
Confused, and a little annoyed, I went into the kitchen where Kyle was emptying the dish washer (he's amazing, I know) and said, "ugh, maybe we should look at jobs and move to Florida, I cant get the place out of my head" he laughed. I didnt get it.
He then slowly and carelessly says "well, I applied to two jobs there last night!"
I was immediately panicked, I know God works in these kind of crazy ways, and I love when he does, and this is what we prayed for, to be on the same page, but FLORIDA?!? I responded with "We agreed you could look into places to work, not actually apply!"
The rest of the story is filled with many mini anxiety attacks, multiple mourning sessions of uncontrollable tears, overwhelming excitement, miracle after miracle, of God doing what only God could do.
Ultimately I am relearning something, that the Lord has been teaching me for years. That I am His, and He will do with me as He pleases- nothing I do or dont do will stop Him.
I am so grateful that His determined pursuit of me is more stubborn than my determination to run and hide.
16 months ago Kyle left his job at Neighborhood church, for political reasons there, but mostly personal reasons between the two of us. He left to come work with me at TeenRescue, the boys absolutely love him.
The job description didnt satisfy Kyles call to ministry. Often times I heard him saying that he wished for something more. I however, love my girls up there too much to care what the job description entailed, so I continuously chose to brush off his comments. I kept telling him it would get better.
In July Kyle completed one year of working at TeenRescue, and that is when he made it very clear that he wanted to start looking for other jobs, it still hadnt gotten better.
This really upset me. I thought he was being selfish.
Took me some time, but in August I humbled myself and actually listened to my husbands heart, convicted by the fact that I often dont listen to him with the same sympathetic and discerning heart as I do others.
When I did, I realized the pain he had from feeling un-purposed.
Many times we have spent praying for God's direction and guidance, knowing that He has plans for us, but at a loss of what they were.
So, again, we committed to intentional prayer each morning together, and each fasting for a week- but this time our cry out was for unity, not direction. We were over the idea of knowing where we were going, we wanted more than anything to want the same thing, whatever that might be.
During that week the Lord shared a promise with me several times, "I will bring them to you" He kept saying.
I didnt know what that meant, but I knew it was a very different concept from what I had always wanted to hear, "I will send you."
(Through this whole heart transforming experience, I have learned that part of my desire to be sent was because I was convinced of my inadequacies. I believed God couldnt really use me here in America, but not many are willing to go, so if I went, then I would be useful. I was wrong. I know that now. Even though it is still hard to say out loud. I know that I am worthy to be used and loved, worthy only because I know that I am unworthy and that it is Christ in me who does Kingdom work. I really have nothing to do with it.)
Most mornings I wake up and choose a place on the big map we have up in our room, whatever random place I feel like and pray for it, sometimes cities, countries, continents, even oceans.
The week after our fast I went up to the map, and was drawn to pray for Florida, in that moment I realized that I had yet to choose someplace in America! I mean, I pray for places in the states all the time, but in that specific routine of mine, I had NEVER chosen a state or city, or the country of my own. Can you say CONVICTED? (I am a selfish jerk sometimes)
My heart for people in third world countries is different than for us in America, and while I knew that was wrong, that is how my heart had been geared for so long I didnt even realize it anymore. Not that I have less passion to love on broken American people, but it is a different kind of passion.
A child that knows Him is a child that knows Him, their location, struggles, fears, past, is unimportant in contrast to their salvation. DUH
So, as I am praying for Florida, I just can not stop thinking about it, usually I spend about 5-10 minutes praying for the place then move on with the rest of my routine, but this time, Florida would not get out of my head. Texted a few people I know there to check in, thinking the Spirit might be leading me to reach out to them but everything was fine. So strange.
Confused, and a little annoyed, I went into the kitchen where Kyle was emptying the dish washer (he's amazing, I know) and said, "ugh, maybe we should look at jobs and move to Florida, I cant get the place out of my head" he laughed. I didnt get it.
He then slowly and carelessly says "well, I applied to two jobs there last night!"
I was immediately panicked, I know God works in these kind of crazy ways, and I love when he does, and this is what we prayed for, to be on the same page, but FLORIDA?!? I responded with "We agreed you could look into places to work, not actually apply!"
The rest of the story is filled with many mini anxiety attacks, multiple mourning sessions of uncontrollable tears, overwhelming excitement, miracle after miracle, of God doing what only God could do.
Ultimately I am relearning something, that the Lord has been teaching me for years. That I am His, and He will do with me as He pleases- nothing I do or dont do will stop Him.
I am so grateful that His determined pursuit of me is more stubborn than my determination to run and hide.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Madly in Love
Hello.
Welcome.
I decided to start this blog so that those who have walked through life with my husband and I will have easy access to updates on our newest adventure.
Yesterday Kyle and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We are madly in love. No one knows the extent of the miracle is it that we made it 2 years. No one other than us and our 3 chord. God has done an extraordinary work in each of us through this union. That is how it should be isnt it? It shouldnt be easy. Marriage should be to sharpen us, to make us more righteous, to convict us of the ways that we have settled for love that does not resemble the love that Jesus died for on the Cross, to encourage us to live by the power that raised Him from the dead because of His love for His Bride.
It has only been 2 years, but we have been brutally sharpened where we liked our dullness, we have learned a new definition of righteousness, we have determined to love like we HAVE to because we GET to, and we have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit in raising us up from the death we have brought each other. None of this was easy. But we are worth it.
God has done miracles to show us where to take our union and walk in what we have now become. We are moving to Florida.
We are humbled that He has called us to such a big move, we know that this means there will be more sharpening, more learning, more determination, and more experience for us to suffer and celebrate through.
We leave in 4 weeks.
Throughout this blog will be the story of our adventure in whatever inadequate way I am able to portray the journey, I invite you to join us, pray for us, and learn with us.
Welcome.
I decided to start this blog so that those who have walked through life with my husband and I will have easy access to updates on our newest adventure.
Yesterday Kyle and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We are madly in love. No one knows the extent of the miracle is it that we made it 2 years. No one other than us and our 3 chord. God has done an extraordinary work in each of us through this union. That is how it should be isnt it? It shouldnt be easy. Marriage should be to sharpen us, to make us more righteous, to convict us of the ways that we have settled for love that does not resemble the love that Jesus died for on the Cross, to encourage us to live by the power that raised Him from the dead because of His love for His Bride.
It has only been 2 years, but we have been brutally sharpened where we liked our dullness, we have learned a new definition of righteousness, we have determined to love like we HAVE to because we GET to, and we have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit in raising us up from the death we have brought each other. None of this was easy. But we are worth it.
God has done miracles to show us where to take our union and walk in what we have now become. We are moving to Florida.
We are humbled that He has called us to such a big move, we know that this means there will be more sharpening, more learning, more determination, and more experience for us to suffer and celebrate through.
We leave in 4 weeks.
Throughout this blog will be the story of our adventure in whatever inadequate way I am able to portray the journey, I invite you to join us, pray for us, and learn with us.
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